Go ahead and make my day

You always think it’ll be an “ordinary” day, but as soon as you begin to forget to remember that everything is extraordinary, that’s when you get reminders to pay attention. Routines, beloved routines! Embrace them; for one never knows when they may be put on hold.

(“The Spirit filters through what I want and shows me who I am.”
― E’yen A. Gardner)

I guess it all started because I put a chink in my neatly ordered routine. I wanted to walk a half hour on the treadmill.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

See, a few years ago, when the delivery guy brought that medium-priced, heavy duty Sole treadmill with the challenging incline levels and assembled it that day in the corner of my living room, he joked, “Now don’t be using it for a coat rack, now!”

I kidded back at him, “For that price I surely won’t!”

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I kept that promise. I’ve been keeping it in the upright standing folded position and storing blankets and pillows on it. The kind of blankets you grab and put on your lap at night to share with the pets. To be fair, I did use the treadmill faithfully that first month it arrived…but I haven’t used it since. So I spent a good ten minutes standing there scratching my head after I hit the power button trying to figure out why it wouldn’t turn on! Then I remembered it had a hidden power button somewhere near the bottom of the machine but where?

I spent twenty minutes crawling around trying to find it.

Time to consult the manual.

Must be in the filing cabinet.

Nope, it wasn’t filed under “T” for Treadmill, like you would expect.

Turns out I filed it under “E” for Exercise. Imagine that. Well, that’s the way my brain works. I’ve been known to file certain doctors under “I” for Idiots and suffice to say no one knows my filing system but me. This is why I do not work in an office (among other reasons including the fact that I do not work well with others…I’m polite to a fault…I just don’t do “social” all that well). If I was to call out sick in an office, the place would crumble because my filing system would be found out, but I digress. I will never work in one. So-

Anyway, at last, after some power reading of the Treadmill manual, I found the button UNDER the motor area where I swear I looked a dozen times (nice safety feature) and voila the treadmill roared to life. I was then too exhausted to walk more than ten minutes.

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that’s iron E (who took this photo? I’d like to give credit)

I have to add here, that is was challenging to read the manual because the print is very small. The dog ate my glasses last week. I don’t have a backup pair. I’ve taped the side, and the nose thingy is all scratchy. My new pair doesn’t come in for a few weeks. The lenses are scratched, and they’re lopsided. They won’t really stay over my ears that well. The plastic is eaten on the strip covering the ear part so it’s quite sharp.

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I know what you’re thinking, what’s worse, the countertop, or the glasses?

After a bath I decided to treat the tail end of the respiratory infection I’ve been nursing since November, by bringing the vaporizer out to the living room and filling the dispenser with Vicks. Time to heat leftovers and use one of those aforementioned blankets, while breathing moistened air… Guess what? I dropped it. The vaporizer smashed all over the hardwood floor. Wasn’t planning on washing the living room floor! In fact the water leaked clear through to the basement.

Fast forward to one dry floor an hour later; and my microwave  acts up. In fact it’s KAPUT. It’s got lightning bolt activity going on in there. It won’t shut off. It’s been going on by itself over the last few weeks but now I do believe I must declare it unsafe once and for all. It’s possessed I tell you. One unplanned shopping trip later… and a big hole in my checking account and I can heat up some food.

ONE HOUR LATER

My 18 year old daughter is going out for the evening. She’s standing by the hall door. “Bye Mom. Going out.”      CLUNK      “Oh my God. You won’t believe what just happened!”

ME: “Try me.”

My daughter: “The doorknob just fell right off and hit the floor.”

ME: “I believe it.”

Two hours later: One size 1/16″ allen wrench was obtained after dumping three boxes from under the kitchen sink and searching around in the basement for the correct size: extra small, which turned out to be under the kitchen sink after all. Beneath one of the original boxes…. I had no idea how to do this task; or maybe at this point I lacked patience so I acquired the elbow grease and helping hand of a person willing to help me. What next? Maybe some blessed routine?

P.S. My new AT&T remote should arrive in 2 to 5 days. The present one got dropped in such a way that is rendered useless. Yes, it’s unthinkable but I must arise to change channels; by using the buttons on the cable box for the next few days. It’s true, I can’t make this stuff up. And if I want to access my taped DVR recordings, which is 90% of what I view on my TV, my daughter has shown me how to do that via the cable box too, without my broken remote, alas I can’t fast forward through the commercials…… It could be worse. I know that in my heart. I use this series of weird tech breakdowns as a reminder of that. Message received.

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